Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand and Support Your Daughter
By Joe Kelly, President of Dads & Daughters
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Table of Contents
- "I Don't Know What She Wants From Me": Building a Father-Daughter Relationship
- "Daddy, Do You Think I Look Fat?": The Body Wars (excerpt below)
- "My Daughter's Face Here": Media Madness
- "No Dating Until You're Thirty-Five!": Navigating Your Daughter's Adolescence (excerpt below)
- "We're All Suspects": The Touch Taboo Between Dads and Daughters (excerpt below)
- "That Won't Happen to My Daughter!": Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs
- "Daddy, When I Grow Up I Want To...": School, Work, Money, Power, and the Future
- "How Old Are Your Daughters?": In the Company of Fathers
Within Dads and Daughters, there are dozens of additional issues discussed. Combining his personal experience as a father and advocate with the wisdom of hundreds of other fathers, Joe has created a reassuring and action-oriented guide that is essential for dads, daughters, and mothers alike.
"Daddy, Do you Think I Look Fat?" The Body Wars
"A few years ago, Michael Kieschnick's nine-year-old daughter asked him, "Daddy, do you think I look fat?" Michael is a successful businessperson and his wife is a minister; they volunteer in the community, are involved in the kids' school and outside activities, and provide a healthy a atmosphere at home. So when she did ask, he was stunned and almost speechless. What could he say to his daughter?
"Michael could have honestly said, 'No," because she was a slender child, but that answer seemed like it would confirm that she should be worried about her body shape. What if she was chubby? An honest 'Yes' answer might very well devastate her self-worth. Besides, why is the word 'fat' considered such an insult?
—Dads and Daughters, page 37
Fathers are in the position to have a huge influence on their daughters' body image. Joe challenges fathers to try to understand how insecure many girls can be about their looks, much more so than boys. He asks fathers to build their daughters' self-image by avoiding criticism--of their daughters or their wives or partners.
"No Dating Until You're Thirty-Five!" Navigating Your Daughter's Adolescence
"'The first time a boy comes calling on my daughter, I'll be out on the front porch, just casually cleaning my shotgun. Because I was his age once; I know what he's after and I want him to know it."
—Dads and Daughters, page 100
Joe explains how crucial the adolescent years can be in the father/daughter relationship. Many fathers feel that they can protect their daughters from hurt by brandishing a shotgun, but few realize how potentially destructive this can be. It tells the daughter that her dad doesn't really trust her. As most fathers can relate to the shotgun parable, Joe explains how to walk the fine line between being overprotective and keeping too much distance.
"We're All Suspects": The Touch Taboo Between Dads and Daughters "
"The incidence of sexual abuse and the objectification of girls generates strong anger, revulsion, and fear in a responsible father...however, we do great harm if, for example, we let the prevelance of sexual abuse make us afraid to touch our daughters, or afraid of how our healthy physical affection will be interpreted."
—Dads and Daughters, page 139
"While healthy physical affection between fathers and daughters is vital, fathers need to respect the complex boundary issues girls command. Girls learn from culture and family that they have greater risk of physical violation, and respond by fiercely protecting their personal space. "My daughter is a teenager and there are times when I feel some sexual attraction toward her, and definitely times when it seems like she's flirting with me. Sometimes, there's just this sexual energy in the room. I've never done anything wrong; at least I don't think so. But you hear so much about how many pervert fathers there are and how much incest there is. How can I tell if how I'm feeling is wrong? I never talk to anyone about it because they'll think I'm sick and I could get locked up! Why do I feel like this and what do I do about it?"
—Dads and Daughters, page 148
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