What Little Boys Learn
Our society doesn’t invest nearly as much time and attention
preparing boys to become fathers as it does preparing girls
to become mothers. Here’s just one illustration, drawn from
two of the oldest national nonprofits dedicated to
developing kids into well-rounded adults:
In the Girls Scouts of the USA, young women can earn badges
in: Caring for Children, Family Living Skills, Food Power,
Healthy Relationships, Consumer Power, Let's Get Cooking, Sew
Simple, Toymaker, Fabric Arts, and “Food, Fibers, and
Farming.”
In the Boy Scouts of America, the only parenting-preparation
merit badges a young man can earn are: Family Life, Cooking,
and Textiles. The number of Boy Scouts earning a Family Life
merit badge is less than half the number earning Woodworking,
Archery, Fingerprinting, and any of 35 other merit badges.
We aren’t casting aspersions on the Boys Scouts (or Girl
Scouts); indeed, the thousands of Boy Scouts who earned their
Family Life badge are better off than most young men. The
point is, few boys in our culture get much hands-on training
in child-rearing--especially infant care. Boys are not
usually asked, expected, or encouraged to learn child care
during their boyhood.
When you were a boy, did you learn to change diapers? If you
did, the odds are slim that your father was the one who
taught you.
Think about what you learned from your father and/or
stepfather about parenting. You probably learned a lot from
his example, even if it was a bad one. But how much did he
ever say to you about how to be a father, or about how his
life was enriched by having you as his son?
This lack of words--father silence, if you will--is important
for any new dad to acknowledge. Because we tend to start out with
less training and information in fathering than our partners have
in mothering, we have to recognize our need to actively reach out
for knowledge.
The good news? Every one of us dads is equipped with valuable
fathering instincts developed over millennia of human history.
When we combine that instinct with the wisdom of veteran dads
(and good fathering resources like Dads & Daughters),
we can be outstanding fathers!
Adapted from
The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being a
New Dad by Joe Kelly and used by permission.