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Father Hunger: Is Your Agency Father-Friendly?
Research consistently shows that responsible involvement by fathers
and stepfathers reduces risks for and improves the achievement of
their children. It also increases the health of the father. Most
professionals (and volunteers) in education and social services are
women. To foster responsible father involvement, they must work
consciously “across cultures” to communicate with and motivate fathers.
Parenting requires emotional literacy. The male gender straightjacket
makes it difficult, or even unacceptable, for boys and men to be
emotionally literate. Instead, they hide behind what educator Jackson
Katz calls “The Tough Guise.”
We must set aside some of our expectations when fathers sit down to
talk. What I think is irrelevant might be central for him; a
conversation I find stumbling and disjointed might be the first time
he’s spoke to someone about being a dad – and those words might amount
to great eloquence for him. It may seem frustrating to accommodate
people “who should know better.” But, we must accommodate them if we
want significant father involvement. Here are some helpful questions
to ask yourself, and things to consider.
- Does your program meet at a time of day when fathers and stepfathers can participate?
- Does your office and/or meeting space have a speaker phone or web cam? Many children live far away from their fathers, so such technology is vital for father participation.
- Do all of your forms include lines for names and contact info of fathers and stepparents?
- Is your program or office open on weekends? There may be only 1 or 2 weekends a year when a child’s live-away father is in your community; be available to him.
- Do you use terminology like “non-custodial” parent or “deadbeat dad?” Outdated “custodial” language promotes the notion of children as property to be battled over. Use accurate words like “live-away” or “live-with” parent/stepparent that are not loaded with negative connotations.
- Do you actively recruit and welcome all of a child’s parents and stepparents, even if the adults are no longer in a relationship with each other? Recognize that some children live only with a stepparent or grandparent?
- Do images and publications in your meeting spaces, offices, and waiting areas feature both fathers and mothers interacting with children? Families of different cultures, different sexualities, different constellations?
- Do you have fathers on your program staff or as visible volunteers?
- Do you regard divorced or live-away dads as failures, handicapped, inoperative, or irrelevant? How do you regard stepfathers? Successful live-away dads and stepfathers are the pioneers in father involvement, and can be very effective teachers. They show every father the value of creative communication, sacrificing to make time for children, and fathering on purpose. A child with involved parents and stepparents is twice blessed.
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What's New
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COMING SOON - Our New Website! In just a few short weeks,
Dads & Daughters will unveil our new website -- featuring a blog, daily tips,
polls, updated resources and even video!
We'll also have a Father's Day e-card to send to your dad or stepdad -- a
unique way to honor the special father in your life!
America the Beautiful
In 2004, Americans spent
$12.4 billion (yes, billion!) on cosmetic surgery. The real costs
of our obsession with youth, beauty and a slender physique are tallied in an
epidemic of eating disorders, complications and deaths from unnecessary
surgeries, exposure to dangerous toxins in cosmetics, and the equally toxic
effects on a generation of young people who are told–in some 40,000 media
messages a year–that unless you look like the supermodels and rock stars, you’re
not good enough for anyone to love. It’s a message too many of them are buying.
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