Dads Are More than Walking Wallets
Many fathers feel that our primary responsibility is bringing home as
much bacon as possible. However, this way of thinking requires a
significant trade-off that we seldom squarely address. To meet the
expectation that we be great providers, we usually spend more time,
energy, and attention away from home (and our kids) than their mothers do.
Our fatherly impact lies in life’s details. Think of all the looks
exchanged and words we speak every time we change a diaper; the
affection we show when we walk the midnight floor calming a colicky
baby; the pride we convey by listening to our daughter read her
first book, or perform in her first recital. Our greatest opportunity
to deepen and strengthen our father-child bond lies in the
never-ending, frequently mundane, daily caring for our children.
Not many of us had fathers who changed diapers and cooked dinner. Most
of our parents were waylaid by the screwy “child-rearing is women’s
work” mindset. But fathering today is different. There is growing
support for greater father involvement.
Look at some of today’s divorced professional athletes, who will only
play on teams near their kids’ homes. Or look to the pioneer fathers
of yesterday, like Ginny’s dad, who figured out the most important
things to provide. Her story is below.
“My dad participated in the Saturday chore day, so I never viewed my
mom as just the homemaker and dad as just the breadwinner. I remember
that my dad loved to bake cookies, and he’d have all four of us kids
help him. He’s famous for his cookies where he teaches, and it makes
me feel good to know that his students get his cookies now that we kids
are grown. I have fond memories of my dad and mom for the people they
were and the little details of my upbringing. I have no idea how much
money either of them made during my childhood. I just know they were
at my T-ball games, they took us fishing, and they didn’t parent by
the gender roles that were ‘expected’ of them.”
You read Daughters because you want to have a central role in your
child’s life. I call passionate fatherhood bringing “Lamaze intensity”
into being a dad. During your partner’s pregnancy, you were willing to
go to childbirth classes, protect and nurture her, make sacrifices,
and go joyously through the chaotic miracle of labor and delivery. Why
should it be any different now?
Today’s challenge is to channel that Lamaze-class intensity and
commitment into the fathering you do every day. Your child needs you to
be and stay that involved. She needs you to show her how to drive a
nail, give a hug, bake cookies, jump off the high dive, tie a fishing
lure, and most of all, to show her how a good man respects and loves
a woman.
Fathering is too good an experience for you or your child to miss. So
please, show up for it every day. Before you’re halfway through you’ll
be amazed by how great it is.
Adapted from
The Pocket Idiot’s Guide to Being an Expectant
Father by Joe Kelly and used by permission.