Father's Perspective On She's Not Made of Porcelain
From the beginning, it’s crucial that fathers nurture a daughter’s
image of her body as strong, healthy, capable, and active. That
means you might have to overcome a common misperception first, that
of thinking of your daughter as delicate or fragile. Many dads I
meet share this mistaken idea:
I've been very nervous ever since my daughter came into this world.
I think I would know how to raise her better if she was a son. I
think that girls are more delicate and precious. I feel that she is
like a very fragile vase sitting at the edge of the table waiting
for someone to carelessly knock it down. And once it falls, there
is no way to keep it from breaking. I'm afraid that I will turn out
to be a very strict and restricting father.
- Dean
A daughter is not a fragile vase. Ironically, the more you treat
her like one, the more fragile she will be. Think about how
different things would look if this father changed the image of
his daughter from porcelain vase to a lithe, flexible, warm,
powerful, living, breathing being.
Suddenly, fathering a daughter becomes a lot more fun! He’s in a
position to substitute an obsession with how her body looks with
an appreciation for what it can do. He can chase around with his
daughter, play catch, dance, have a good time.
When we stop treating our daughters like fragile vases, amazing
potential and strength is released. We lay a foundation for them to
become wonderful women -- more solid than tottering porcelain on a
pedestal. As boys, many of us grew up challenging and pushing each
other physically. We grew up loving to wrestle, work, play catch,
build things, play cards, shoot hoops and make puns. We learned much
of this love of using our bodies in fun ways from our fathers, big
brothers, uncles, grandfathers and older cousins. This love of
physicality is one of the most valuable gifts we fathers give our
daughters.
My dad makes me very competitive in everything. It’s a really good
thing, ‘cause I love sports. As far as I can remember, he’s always
been there saying, “Go! Go!” If I’m not doing well, then he’ll be
the one to tell me. He’ll tell me the truth. And he’ll say “go out
there and play how you know how to play, and do what you know how
to do, and beat them. Don’t quit. You can’t just quit because
you’re tired.” It’s a lot of competitiveness. But it’s good,
because it gets me places.
- Maria
What motivates girls to take up sports and physical activity?
Research by the Melpomene Institute shows that the most influential
factor is a father who plays with his daughter when she is young.
When a father bounces his one year old on his knee, horseplays with
his three year old, kicks a ball around with his five year old,
plays catch with his seven year old and shoots baskets with his 12
year old, he increases the odds that she’ll get and stay involved
in physical activity as a teen. This substantially lowers the odds
that his daughter will get in trouble during adolescence. Among
older teen girls, those who engage in sports and other physical
activities are least likely to drop out of school, get pregnant,
develop eating disorders, put up with abusive relationships, smoke,
drink, do drugs -- or develop breast cancer as adults. They are also
the ones most likely to have a dad who was physically active with
them when they were young.
Adapted from
Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand,
and Support Your Daughter by Joe Kelly and used by permission.